Sadly, as many of you know, my Grandma passed away very suddenly in the early morning hours of December 28th. We chose not to have an autopsy done on her, but we believe she had a massive heart attack. There were signs of this being the case, so that is what her death was ruled as. I have been putting this post off, but I knew I needed to do something, write something at some point. Grandma was one of the biggest fans of my blog--she was one of the biggest fans of my life in fact. At her funeral service on New Year's Eve, they asked people to stand and share memories/say something about Grandma. I waited patiently listening to her friends talk about her faith, her love for all she met, and her chattiness of course as well. My Grandma liked to talk! :)As I sat there, I kept fighting the urge to stand. I knew I would fall apart. But of course, I stood up anyway. I had so many things I wanted to say about her, but when I stood, I choked back tears and got out a few words about just how much she loved all of us, and how good she was to our kids. If I were able I would have said so much more. Something like this: My Grandma was so many things to so many people. She was the most loving, caring and kind person I ever knew. There was never a time when she didn't hug me, kiss me, and tell me she loved me. Everytime she saw me, everytime we had to say good bye--there were hugs, kisses, I love you's and usually a few tears. She was never afraid to show her love for anyone. Her love for everyone and everything made her who she was. She took me to church when I was little, picking me up and dropping me back home every Sunday, because she believed this is where we should be. She wanted us to learn about the Christian faith, because her own faith was so strong. In fact it is somewhat comforting to me to know that she believed so strongly, because I know where she is now. Her preacher said "To be absent from the body is to be present with the lord." That is true. My Grandma is now present with the Lord and I know she is rejoicing and watchig over all of her loved ones, and even there though there is not supposed to be any pain in heaven, I am sure she still worries over us a little. That's just the kind of sweet lady she was. One thing I always noticed about her and always strive to emulate is her ability to put others before herself. She was one of the most selfless people. She always wanted to make sure people were taken care of, always was a friend to those in need and would do anything for you if she thought you needed her help. She was hardworking. She did for herself most of the time. If something needed done, Grandma didn't stand around and debate it, she just did it. Sometimes forcefully,sometimes at the speed of light, but she was a worker. I'll miss sitting next to her and holding her calloused hands in mine. They told a story. They made me proud to be her granddaughter. In reflection, I know that each and every one of my family members--my parents, my aunts and uncles, my Pap, my cousins--all of us will hold her memory in our hearts and souls forever. There will never be a day when the Grandma stories stop at our family functions. In fact, I hope, now that we have lost her so suddenly and unexpectantly, there will be more family functions in which to reminisse about our special lady. We need to remember that above all else she wanted nothing more than for us all to stay together and remain close.I will always remember Grandma for the amazing person she was, and her memory will always comfort me, and soothe my broken heart, but inevitably--I will miss her every second of every day for the rest of my life. People say you move on, time heals. And I know it does, but I will never stop missing her. I will never stop wishing I could hug her one more time, kiss her one more time and watch her play with the kids like she is 25 again...one more time. I will miss her smile. I will miss her voice. I will miss her humming and singing all of the time. I'll miss the way she said hello on the phone. I will miss her smell. More than anything, I will miss watching her play with my kids. I will miss the way she held them to her chest when they were babies and instantly put them to sleep. I will miss the way they ran to her when she came into the room, like it hadn't been weeks since they had seen her last. She was their Grandma too, and boy did they love each other. I will miss her green beans--no one makes them the same. I will miss the excitement I would feel when I knew we were going home to visit with her or she was coming down to stay with us. I will miss her stories. I will miss everything about her. But---I know. I know she is in a better place. I know she is happy and she walks with Jesus. I know she is watching over Abe, me, Alex, Amaya--every single one of my family members. She would have it no other way. We were her life and she was ours, so she will watch us and guide us forever. I have faith in that. The night she died, before I even heard the terrible news, I woke up at 2:30 AM after having had a strange dream about Grandma. The strange part was, it was so normal. I was sitting her her living room talking with her. She was telling me how much she loved me, loved the kids and how she always looked so forward to our visits. She also said she couldn't wait to see us again. That was it.That was the dream. I know it was her.I know she was on her way out and wanted to talk to someone one more time. And I am glad for that dream. I will hold on to that for the rest of my life now. Grandma is gone, but her legacy will continue to live on in each one of us. We will tell our children, our grandchildren, everyone about the wonderful person she was. In fact, I even share stories of her with my students, so a whole generation of my community hears about her. In fact, some of them were deeply saddened when I told them she had passed on over winter break. They remembered some of my stories and were truly sad about her being gone. Her pictures decorate our houses and they won't be taken down. In fact, I have added her last pic taken with Alex (July 2011) and her last pic taken with Amaya (November 2011) to the walls of their rooms. Now they say goodnight to her every night and her picture hangs above their beds. As Alex said to me a few days after her passing "Grandma is in the stars Mama. She is the brightest one." It's amazing how a 3 year old can put everything into perspective sometimes. Goodbye Grandma Glenrose..we love you and you will live in our hearts forever. 
My last picture with Grandma- July 2011
Circa 1984--Grandma and baby me
Circa 2002--my first week living in Baltimore. Us on top of Federal Hill...
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